What a morning...........

I thought I could make a list and check it twice (ha! ha!) and go to town to buy what Jesse needed to work on the camper tonight. Wrong. It took me 2 hours with the list walking around in the store, lost as a goose. Going up and down it seemed like the same isle over and over. I would look at the signs telling me what was on the aisle, but I would still have to check it out because I could not figure out what I needed might be on that aisle. I hate going in stores that I am not use to. I like to know where things are or least where they are suppose to be. Guess that is why I don't go shopping that much anymore. My mind won't let me focus in on one thing unless I am in there for that one thing, otherwise I just go in circles not knowing what I want to look at. I have to have a purpose for being there and then I still get confused. Then I asked directions to the different items (sounds like a typical man, uh) and was given the wrong aisle 3 out of 5 of the items. So needless to say I walked around some more then left with what I did have. I think I interrupted the 2 womens conversation that was suppose to be directing me. I got most of the things but tired as heck when I left town to head home. Took an hour nap while Chris went into the library to fill out something on the internet. I feel better now, not as tired. This rainy day isn't helping much. Talked more today in the chatroom. Guess I am getting a little more comfortable. These people really sound like a bunch of nice folks, I am glad I finally got hooked up with people who understand what I am going through. Thanks, gang. Well, I got most everything I need, it will keep Jesse busy tonight anyway. I didn't sleep as good last night as I did the night before. I woke up a couple of times and remember dreaming even though I don't remember what I dreamed. Is sleeping problems something we all have to deal with with dementia? I will have to ask the next time I chat, if I remember. Guess I will close for now. Have a blessed day.

Sleep at last

Yes, I finally got some sleep. I am so glad. I am still tired but I am sure it will take time for my body to catch up. I don't even remember dreaming last night, which is unusal. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I wonder, "did I dream that, or did it really happen" I have trouble at times deciding, which can be scary according to the dream.

Reading Blogs

I spent most of today reading different peoples blog with EOAD. I want to know everything I can about what to expect. Yea, I was a nurse and worked with patients with Alzheimers. But I did not see them until the end stage. I never met anyone young or in the early stage. I taught about it, but it just isn't the same. There are alot of brave people out there and alot of support. I have really enjoyed chatting with so many these last few days and everyone is so upbeat. I have to learn from these great people. I have my kids can learn from these great people and their stories they have to share. Thank you Lynn for leading me in this directions, it was God sent. I have learned so much information and so many different sites out there for people with Alz. I never knew there was so much. I think it great that people are standing up and speaking out while they can. I hope I can sleep better tonight. If not I think I am going to have to take that new medication my doctor put me on, no matter what the side effects are. I can't keep going like this with no sleep.

Another sleepless night in LA.

Well, it was another long night. I went to sleep at 10 pm , was awake at 12:30am, 1:30am, 3:00am and finally got up at 5:00am. This always makes for a very long day. It felt like my feet were in an ant pile or something, they burned on the toes. It was very uncomfortable. I take Requip for restless leg syndrome but this was different. I will take a nap today it the urge hits me. I woke myself up a couple of times hollowing and cursing. See this is the thing, I don't curse. My kids go into shock if one slips. I used to tell family members that was upset because "moma or daddy never would have said that", that I was bottling up all my frustration and when I got old and in a nursing home I too was going to let loss. I had hoped this would make them laugh and not feel so bad about their parents. I knew that mom and dad were not themselves and it did not bother me. I hope when I get that point people are understanding of me. I know it can hurt love ones feelings to hear some of the things their parents/spouse say. There is really no way to prepare for this, it is human nature to be hurt when someone attacks you. Only now I realize that may be a reality and it scares me. I don't want to be one of those folks that makes other people sad or upset but my actions. I don't want to upset my family. I know I will have no control over it but it does not stop me from worrying about that being a big problem. Well I will close for now. This was on my mind and if I did not write it down while I was thinking of it I would forget it. Later.

Its been a very long day

I finally got to bed about 2 am this morning and was up by 5:30 am. Not much sleep. Went to church and could have easily went to sleep. I have tried hard to stay awake and not take a nap so maybe I can sleep tonight. It has been a couple of weeks since I was up like this. I go good for a while and get to bed with little trouble then I will have nights that I have to fight to get some sleep. Jesse helped my son in law work on his car today so after church I spent the afternoon reading blogs of EOAD folks and knitting. I am making a lot of mistakes with my typing tonight so I guess I will close for now. May God Bless and keep you. Sue

daughter of sewin mom

Hi, my name is Missy and my mom has early on-set alzeimers. To say how I feel about my mom having this disease would be a spider web of emotions. There are days that I can talk to moma and she is just that my mom, not alzheimers, because face it, some days she isn't the face of alzheimers, alzheimers is the face of my mom. For the children of alzheimers patients I sure you know what I am talking about. For those who don't, it's like this, some days I talk to my mom and it's like every other time I talked to her growing up, she is mom. Other days she is confused, more forgetful, and even at times child like in her emotions and actions. The days of her being my mom and I her daughter are getting fewer and fewer as time goes on, the roles are at times seeming to be reversed. We as her family are having to step up more and make decisions, she has always made. We have to ask her if she has taken her meds. when she has been the one to remind others. Moma has always been strong and very indpendent, now we watch her struggle to hold on to what indpendence she still has, while is slowly slips through her finger like the sand in an hour glass.
Moma gets mad sometimes because she doesn't like people telling her what to do, she doesn't understand that we are only trying to keep her safe. Her driving is an issue for me at times. I would feel much better if she wore her safe return necklace, but she says that if she gets in a wreck she would be in trouble for driving because she has alzheimers.
Moma worries about how we are dealing with her alzheimers and we worry about how she is dealing with her alzheimers. Does she hurt, but can't remember to tell us? Did she take her inslin, was she able to give herself a shot? Can my dad learn to do it for her? Did she eat today, did she sleep last night. What stage is she in now,how long before she needs constant help? When do we as her family step in and when do we back off.
So many questions, so many conflicting answers. Each of us have our on way of dealing with the fact that day by day we are losing a little more of our mom, each of us have different answers on how to approach each problem we face, and they don't always come together as one united solution.
Poor daddy, he doesn't want to be the bad guy, so he still lets moma make the decisions. He has never had to pay a bill, keep a check book, remind anyone to take their medication, so at times if things weren't so sad the would be comical in the since that daddy was to take over the bills but in truth the both have to remind the other to remember to pay this or that. Daddy says your mom will tell me when she can't drive anymore safely and only then will she stop driving. I hope for both of their sakes moma will stop driving before it becomes to dangerous for her to continue doing, because if something was to happen to moma while driving daddy would blame himself.
Moma personality has changed, she use to have this loud booming voice that demanded respect, now she is soft spoken and often quiet and withdrawn into herself. She forgets how to do things she has been doing for years and remembers how to do things she hasn't done in years.
I can't go to moma like I use to and talk about things that are bothering me are just for advice. She is not that person anymore it is too much pressure for her, because my problems becomes her problems then she loses sleep over them.
I had to learn to let things go when she hurts my feeling, and not take it personally, and at time I fail to let it run off my back and my felling get hurt. Then I have to remind myself that it is the alzheimers talking and not moma.
I research everything I can get my hands on about caring for alzheimers patients, my sisters chose to not know what is coming, then they don't have to deal with it. What they don't seem to realize is that sooner or later, more likely sooner they will come against a brick wall and have no choice but to deal with it.
God bless each of you on this journey you are having to endure. Remember when times get tough and you don't seem to be getting through to your loved one there is still one who can. God is still talking to them and he speaks a language they will always understand.

Its been a long day but a good day

I spoke to another early onset Alzheimers patient in the chat room tonight. It was nice being able to talk to someone who truly understands and doesn't say yea I forget this or that too. Thanks Tracy for encouraging us on. It is human to forget things from time to time but for us its not that simple. I went to town this morning and ran some errands with Jesse then came home and decided to take a little nap that turned into 3 hours, so here I sit at 1 am in the morning unable to go to sleep. I had started me some socks but had to rip out all the stitches because they were too big. I had already ripped out stitches today because I had dropped one and it messed up about 4 rows. So I have decided to finish Jesse's hat with ear flaps for hunting season. I will probably be so tired and not be able to think straight tomorrow after being up so late tonight. Its like a vicious cycle. Its really been a quite day. Thank God for quite days.